Watching Anime

I cried again today.

After watching Romeo x Juliet.

Why is it that it doesn't work when it comes to movies?

Why is anime special.

I don't know...

But I know there are other like me

who are touched by what we feel,

Touched in a place no one can touch us...

Where the villain is made out to be human..

Perhaps I cry for this, I cry for their salvation,

their redemption. Sometimes

I don't understand how people can sacrifice so much for the person they love,

or rather, I do know,

I know how painful it is when you love someone so much.

But the sacrifice, the immense sacrifice,

It's too painful.

Perhaps that's why i fear to love.

Because I've been betrayed so many times by the people I love the most.

So much so that all i can say are lies,

lies to protect, to seclude myself, isolate. 

But when I cry, something hurts in my chest,

like a string pulled too tight,

I cannot breathe.

The same as when I watched Black Cat and Ayashi No Ceres:

I don't understand how people want and smile despite

suffering so very much.

But in my tears, whom do I cry for?

Myself? For them? For the pain? For the loss?

But when I cry like this, 

I feel like the person I was.

The person who was pure, who loved

Loved everyone and everything, forgave everything,

Gave everything.

And now, I stand bereft, hands empty.

Yet, my tears are proof of my pain,

my loss, my fears, my joy, 

proof of my existence, proof of my heart.

Proof that I still live.